So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
