The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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