I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
