Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
