Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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