So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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