Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
