I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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