I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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