Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
