Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
