Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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