smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
