Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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