Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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