Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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