so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
