I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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