You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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