I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
