my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize