I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
