we have pet lesbian snakes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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