like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
