Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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