I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize