i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
