remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
