But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
