I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize