Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
