I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
