if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
