I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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