My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Terrible idea I love it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
