i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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