why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
