After last night, I could never be a politician.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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