I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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