textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
