he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
