So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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