im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
