She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
