So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
