So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
