You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She bit a glass in half.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
