Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize