Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They are going to name an STD after you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
