I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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