Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
