i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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