I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
from now on my penis is your penis
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize