Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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