it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
