Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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