fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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