i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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