So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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