I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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