It's like a parade of train wrecks.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize