I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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