yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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