This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
