He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
