Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
only you would photoshop your dick
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
