just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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