I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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