the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
