why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
