soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
did i walk over a car last night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
